Ernie
Ernie is one of our four house cats and he’s the favorite of everyone who visits our home. Not that the other three do much to endear company to them. Smidgeon hides, Mimi could give a crap and Piddy outright attacks company. He wonders why he isn’t the favorite.
I found Ernie years ago when Brian and I were dating. I fell hard for his rich buttery purr and soft brown fur. You’ve never met a better cat for snuggling! I was delighted when Brian agreed to take him. I would be able to visit him!
We moved Ernie to Brian’s apartment and showered him with toys and love but all was not well. Ernie had a bloated stomach. We wormed him. His stomach stayed bloated. We wormed him again. Still bloated. Concerned, we made an appointment with the vet.
A general exam showed nothing. Our vet shared our concern and sent Ernie to the mysterious “back” for a sonogram. Brian and I sat on hard plastic chairs. He fidgeted with an unlit cigarette and I tapped my foot on the floor. Finally, our vet called us back. He looked concerned. Oh, shit. That couldn’t be good.
“Well, we did a sonogram,” duh, “and looked to see if we saw a blockage in Ernie’s stomach.” We waited nervously as the vet searched for the right words. Oh, gosh! There’s no good way to share some news. Did Ernie have a tumor? Was his death imminent? Was he the carrier of some unknown alien species come to take over the planet?
“You know, he has a big frame. He’s stout. He’s got a really big chin. And, he’s got really solid bones.”
We stared at him.
He cleared his throat, “He’s always going to be a big cat. You know, you could…”
“Are you trying to tell me he’s fat?” I interrupted.
Pause. “Yes.”
“So there’s nothing wrong with him?”
“No, he’s healthy. Just fat.”
“Well that’s a relief.” I said.
“That will be 120 bucks.” There went my relief.
Only in America do we have obese stray animals. Thus, Ernie’s diet program began ten years ago and persists to this day and it’s part of the reason Ernie gets along with everyone. Ernie has never met someone he doesn’t like because Ernie has never met someone who lacks the physical ability to feed him, his sole requirement for friendship.
If you’re not sure where we keep the cat food, just follow Ernie. He knows the way!
Long comment here: so this is kinda creepy, cuz your Coon’s name is Ernie and ours is Smudge, but our shorthair is Dixie and one of yours is Smidgeon – ok maybe you don’t see the pattern.
Anyway, yeah, Smudge (our Maine Coon huge-ass poop factory) has a giant fat belly also. He likes it tickled. Does yours lay on his back like a hairy little human? If so, do you have any idea why?
He always lays flat on his back while digesting. I’ve absolutely no idea why but he let’s me kiss his tummy so I don’t ask.
How do you manage to keep Ernie on a diet with the other cats around? – never been very successful at that…there’s always an enabler
I have to feed everyone separately twice a day. The other cats eat behind closed doors or they wouldn’t get to eat. Ernie patrols all the bowls once every one is done and I open the doors.
I’ve got Smokey. He’s a 20 year old black tabby and while he was skinny for the first two years we had him, he is now a robust 18 pounds. Since most old cats are skinny, I sort of feel comfortable with my “fat old cat”. Yeah, the vet tells me he should diet, but he’s alive at 20 and so he’s doing something right. It’s kind of like telling a 95 year old person they need to go on Jenny Craig. It probably just ain’t gonna happen!
I don’t blame you. Once I’m a certain age, I’m going to eat what I want and not care about health or shape!
You’re the second blogger I’ve visited today who has posted a picture of their cat! And both of you have really adorable cats. I’m kind of wondering if I’m the only blogger around with a psychopathic cat who keeps trying to kill me. Am I? And if I am, what does that say about me?
I think the real question is what does that say about your cat? Maybe she doesn’t like her food and she’s exacting revenge?
Wait. I’m supposed to feed her too?
Aren’t cats awesome? I have had exactly one stray cat. He humped my foot. It was weird and I have never been the same since. But, we kept him and no more humping since he was fixed, although he spends and inappropriate amount of time using his body to get the couch pillows to submit to him.
Uh, yeah, we have that problem too. Check out the post F**cking Pillow. Maybe we could start a support group?
For us or the pillows?
Ha!
Can I just tell you how much I loved this? “his rich buttery purr” We have a cat who has the same. We will always have cats in our lives. Always. Chunky or not
Mostly chunky.
We’re MOL because Ernie sounds like Tamir!!
The Florida Furkids and Angel Sniffie
I want a cat so badly I have taken to stalking the neighbors outdoor cat. My kid has asthma and she’s allergic to cats so until she moves out (sh’es 11) no cats for us.
Gotta say I was worried about Ernie until I learned it’s just his beer belly. Viva la husky cat!
Well, once she moves out you know how to keep her from moving back IN!
He is a husky boy. We have to feed everyone separately twice a day because Ernie the pig will eat all of their food.