- I can’t hear your cell phone conversation about your test results. Sorry they were positive. Gosh, I don’t know what you’re going to tell your partner. Yep, she’ll probably figure out that you are a cheating bastard and leave you. No, I don’t think you can lie your way out of it. I’m pretty sure the, “She meant nothing to me,” defense won’t help. Your partner will just hear, “You meant nothing to me so I slept with a prostitute and infected you.”
- I can’t hear your screaming baby. No I don’t want to see 934793277 pictures of your kid. I can see the actual thing and that cereal stuck in his hair (it is a he?) isn’t as cute as you think it is. Also, that thing you did where you wiped his nose with your fingers then wiped your fingers on your pants was gross. I’m trying to eat. Perhaps this $60 a meal restaurant isn’t the place for your 5 week old infant? May I recommend McDonalds? I hear they like kids.
- I can’t hear you and your girlfriends trashing the new girl. Oh. My. Gosh. She did not wear jeans that cost only $20. What a bitch! Can you believe her? That thrifty whore. No, I did not hear what she said to Tanya but if Tanya is the one in the tube top then suggesting that work out program to her was a good thing. Shame she didn’t listen. Because of Tanya I need to wear sunglass in public. Funny how a girl in a tube top, 4 inch heels and a skirt two sizes too small is calling someone else a whore.
- I can’t hear Christmas music. If you need me to elaborate you’re part of the problem.
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Blog: Door In Face Topics:humor, sarcasm, snarky
MP3′s are indeed handy little gadgets. You left out the random conversation person who is compelled to keep talking to you because fate clearly arranged you two a seat together on the bus/train/airplane/subway/DMV line/troop transport.
I also left out the women who try to sell me Mary Kay. I really hate them.
I had a good friend who I am no longer friends with over Mary Kay. No, I will not have a party for you. No I do not want to use any of your products. Did I mention that I will not host a party for you? No I don’t have friends who I can invite to my home so you can sell them Mary Kay shit. Now stop already!
See! My sister started selling it for a while but she knew about my boycott and my weird personality so she respected my wishes to be left alone. The upside is that whenever one of those chicks interrupts my sacred trips to Target I just tell them my sister is a consultant and they HAVE to leave me alone.
Just the way I feel! Including the last one
All very good points, Nora. But unfortunately, it doesn’t drown out the voices in my head.
That’s beyond my pay scale.
Yep. These reason are exactly why I always have my iPod in my ears!
It’s after Christmas – but this is still a classic! Hilarious post – and so true. (#1-4: priceless…maybe you can do an ad for M3P?…witness protection isn’t so bad I hear…)