“Six pounds!” I danced around the bathroom in my underwear.
“That crack habit is doubling as a weight loss plan, huh?” Brian asked from the shower.
“Ha. This is all low carb, baby! You’re going to have the hottest wife on the beach this summer!”
He glanced at my underwear and raised an eyebrow. “I hope your bikini doesn’t have a hole in it.”
“I’ve been meaning to replace these.” I scratched at a black mark on the floor with my big toe. “I don’t have time to stand here chit chatting,” I said changing the subject. “I’ve got to go to the grocery store and stock up on some low carb snacks before work.”
Humming to myself I drove to the grocery store down the street. High on weight loss success from viscously purging cheap carbs (non fruit and veggie) from my diet I scrutinized each protein shake label carefully. Most were just as high in carbs as they were in protein. Only a noob would be suckered. I had six pounds of success that wasn’t going to be undone by false advertising. I examined the protein bars with no less vigilance. Selecting only the lowest in carbs.
With only five items in my cart, I darted to the express lane. Quick in, quick out. That’s how skinny people like me do it.
“That will be sixty-five dollars,” the cashier said.
“Huh?”
“Sixty-five.”
“I heard you the first time. Why is it so expensive?”
“Well, you choose the Asskins bars and the designer protein powder. They’re three times as expensive as the other stuff.”
“Yeah but they have the lowest carbs.”
She stared through her greasy black bangs past her nose ring at me, all twenty seven pounds of her. I guess crack habits mean you don’t have to count carbs.
“Do you have a coupon?” I asked feebly.
She snorted. I was scared the nose ring would come loose and shoot down her throat. I tried to recall the steps to the Heimlich.
“Sixty-five dollars.” she repeated.
I reached for my debit card. So much for new underwear.
So true, being healthy does seem more expensive, but in the long run, it’s actually cheaper. Longer more productive life & cheaper hospital bills.
Keep in mind that a fit body should never be the goal of healthy eating and working out. It’s a by-product of something much better: http://warriorpoetwisdom.com/2012/01/07/warrior-weight-loss-wisdom/
Peace & grace,
~Miro
Don’t even get me started on hospital bills. You should read the post about when my back went out and I had to go to the ER. That was a nightmare.
6 pounds: impressive. The scene at the register: depressing. (still great giggles from the post!)
Thank you!
Holy crap, those sure are expensive. And I’m glad greasy haired chick didn’t accidentally swallow her nose ring while snorting.
Congrats on the six pounds, at this rate you’re gunna be a size ZERO.
Thank you, thank you! I don’t know about a zero. I don’t have the basic build to be that small. I’m just trying to regain control before I slip too far!
Nora, congratulations on the six pound weight loss! Yay! Unfortunately, everything comes with a price and sadly, lower carbs mean more expenses as you try to increase the good and cut out the bad. Oh well. There’s always the chance underwear might have a coupon! hee hee!
I may have to resort to stealing the underwear at this rate!
You lost almost as much as I weigh! I weigh 7. Pounds. If you lose a bunch of weight you can wear smaller clothings. I’ll bet small clothings cost less than big ones!
I wish that were true.
I do atkins and have a cupboard full of the bars. They are pricey, but worth it, I think.
I think so too. Today, I went to a child’s birthday party. Everyone was eating cupcakes. (Brian hid while he ate his so I didn’t have to watch.) I pulled out one of my Atkin’s bars and felt like I was having dessert too. It made the difference.
The insurance companies want you to be healthy, but then the stores gouge you for trying to achieve that health. Crack is probably cheaper!
I wouldn’t actually know about the price of crack but I suspect you’re right!
That’s how they get ya! *grrrr*
XO
A.
Mo and I always complain that you have to be well off financially to eat healthily. There’s something wrong with that, I think.
Congratulations on losing the weight!